on more thing... i have all ready killed myself once. I took a bunch of Gabitril in 2003. Not my scrip but this is how it went down. Scares me to think about. What might of been, what was and I still want to die.
I had a hand full of pills of all Gabitril, can't remember how much but enough. I had planned for days to do this. The night I decided, I took the pills, when downstairs and sat in my chair. Very dark moment. Leaving my family like I was. But I had gotten myself into trouble. I did not want to face the music. Within 15 minutes things go weird. I began to feel my legs twitch uncontrollably slowly at first but it progressed fast. I tried to stand up not sure what I was going to do but I didn't want to sit anymore out of extreme fear. All this happen so fast. I stand up and took one or 2 steps and BOOM... i guess i hit the floor because I was out in the middle of me falling. I remember as if yesterday.
now I'm crying a bit remembering details
My daughter who was 13 heard the noise. Both my kids went to bed only 45 minutes before all this. My daughter told me later she heard something crash me falling but not sure where I fell but on stuff. She said I was shacking real bad which I was having a massive seizure from the medicine.
She screams for my wife waking her up and my wife calling 911. The absence told my wife it did not look good but not sure how that conversation when down. My wife was scared.
When I woke up the first time it looked like dark yellow Plexiglas was hovering 6 inches off the walls, my hands were tied up. The nurse I think, really could not see good at first, was a bit startled when I woke up. She said loudly asked if I was ok and not going to fight. I had no idea what she was tying to say. I said I needed to use the rest room and she said go ahead you have a cathodor. I was not getting all what she said and she began to lecture me because I kept pulling my cathodor out. She said I was fighting , shacking and when in cardiac arrest once. I passed out soon after and when I woke up my eyes were much better but not near where they needed to be.
The next nurse was much nicer.. haha.. but i could see the bruses on my arms. Black and Blue as if i had a bad accident. I had brused on my chest and legs from the straps. I was a mess.
I went to a Mental Hospital at my request as they did ot see a problem with me and wanted to let me go home. Wow.. im a good actor. But i knew i had a problem.
I new I needed professional help. But i have found out, you cant change bad behavior. That is in your upbringing. It was and is to late for me. Compulsive behaviors. Like multiple personalities and depending who is in controlled is to how i feel.
I want never ever go on a medicine that will kill my the way gabitril did. Scary stuff.
I pray for all of you to not kill yourself but if you do, I understand, just think of the others first. God Bless.. he does care, we just have to listen.
I wish I could take my own advice. Is there some natures law that prevents that?
I feel better talking about this. I need to find a forum for this kind of talk.