As I was more of a loner since my childhood I had to suffer all the troubles caused due to anxiety all alone.
My parents say I suffered from anxiety even as a baby. Panic attacks kept me awake whole nights long for almost a year when I was in the fourth grade. By the time I reached the eighth grade, I had formed suicidal tendencies and attempted suicide for the very first time. I survived and somehow found my way into high school.
I think, it was during my freshman year in high school that my condition worsened. For, it was in this year that I missed almost 62 classes, started experiencing eating disorders and also attempted suicide for the second time by slitting my wrists once again. I did prevent the suicide attempt from being successful but the high degree of anxiety that I felt, often compelled me to stay in bed all day. While in college, to relieve myself of the guilt of binging, I learnt to purge.
My condition worsened further in the sophomore year. I hated myself and the way I looked and my feeling disgusted at looking ugly and fat, I attempted suicide once more. Unlike before, this time my parents did get to know about it and took me to visit counsellors, vitamin clinics and psychiatrists. I was diagnosed for everything ranging from anxiety to bipolar disorder.
Eventually, I completed college, earning a teaching degree, got married and had two children. I have also been teaching for nine years now.
After reading about GAD, my mother advised that I get help and fortunately, I got an appointment with the leading anxiety disorder specialist in the area, who, immediately diagnosed me as being a ësocial phobic'. Since then, I have read books, attended a support group, taken a class and have been seeing a psychiatrist.
For about two years, I took just Klonopin and felt better, though not completely. I am still dissatisfied with my appearance. My secondary diagnosis being BDD, I now take LuvoxCR and reduced doses of Klonopin and am undergoing exposure/response therapy. Each day, I try my best, to feel my best. I am mostly exhausted and life feels like an endless battle, but it is much better now.
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