I am Amy rose, eighteen ears old, living in England.
I am tormented by anxiety disorder. When I was nine to ten years old, my brother was diagnosed with brain tumor. I coped through all that until I reached eleven years old. When I turned eleven, I suddenly did not want to be away from my family because I was scared that I would get hurt. That was the first ever anxiety attack I got.
I would not leave my house that no one could take me to school. At first, every one seemed confused. But soon my mother took me to a counselor with whom I did not cooperate in the beginning. But after periodic visits, I started pouring out my feelings. I used to love my school until I was nine to ten years old. My mom took me out of school thereafter, and I was taught at home.
Things became normal in 2007, when I would hang out with my friends and would go to musicals and enjoyed a lot. I got into a music college. I joined a band and was scheduled to perform my gig one night. Since that was my first on stage performance in front of so many people, I got nervous. And I got my mom at the stage. I somehow managed to perform the first song in the set list. But then I could not move any further than that.
Since then, I was living in a hell. I would feel dizzy when I walked. I used to get the feeling that there was tumor in my head too. My mom took me out for regular check ups with the doctors. I took valium and felt a bit calmed down for a while. No sooner than my parents dropped me at the college than I called them back. I was under a dizzy spell and felt my whole body tingling. That was a really bad episode and I was taken to the hospital. Back home, I felt as if I was in a black hole, forever.
My sessions with the counselor really helped me. I came to know that all I felt were symptoms and it was normal for the disorder. I was relaxed at the thought that I was not the only person in the world who experienced this. I am trying my best to shy away the negative thoughts that would some times creep in me. My family and friends has been with me as they would do forever and that comforts me a lot. I am trying to win back confidence and independence which I think are the pre requisites for a healthy mental life. My advice to all who suffer the same as my malady is that do not think about what is going to come.